e=mc x 7

I'm looking for suggestions


Presently enjoying the Calgarian spring, and twiddling my thumbs as I impatiently wait for the longest "three" days of my life to be over. The is immigration lady, whomever she may be, gave a quote of 3 days, but very much like dog years, you must times any immigration number by seven.

I am in Calgary for the purpose of my dear friend Lauren's weddings, which will be taking place June 13th, and well my hope was June 14th or so, to be able to pack up my belonging and head south. Speaking of belongings, the longer I lug them around the more I wish there was less of them. I feel another large clothes donation coming on - and who am I kidding, the clothes I would wear for work now are NOT going to be as hip when I finish this lovely degree of mine. --AnYway- at the rate were going, and the math skills I've applied, I'll be permitted to return in August of 2010 ..

I have been thinking about becoming short-term employed (based on my math..maybe long term employed) while I sit on my bum in Calgary, and well that has turned out to be more of challenge than one would assume. I am wracking my brain over this one, and have decided I am either under qualified (as my second degree is not completed) or over qualified (as I am completing a second degree) either way, the only place I really want to be working this summer is S.S.P and that is not an option at this point.

I am inclined to sing that RENT song about love in reference to this process (Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes....) ...and am super sorry that the topic of most if not all of my conversation surrounds this--- but it is the elephant in the room, only the room is my life, and it's sitting on my lap.

I miss my friends. I miss the California/SSP/Fuller ites and have begun to prepare my self that upon returning I will not be returning to the same people, places, or environments as life trickles along. Things change and we grow and move, and get married and have babies....

Nate and I have been discussing what it means to wait for things, anything.... God, love, fertility, prison sentences, organ transplants. Waiting. We are all waiting for something, and I have decided that it is like death and taxes: inevitable. Nate and I have decided that our waiting, has taught us in some way about others waiting.. and my heart breaks a little at the challenges people wade through as they wait. There is a song that we have sung during Milford and Calgary church services in reference to waiting, and it goes like this:

"Strength*1 will rise*2 as we wait upon the Lord, we*3 will wait*4 upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord."

What a stinkin statement. The first time I heard it, I laughed a little out loud...not because I don't believe it's true, nor do I consider myself some sort of expert on the matter- but because there should be all kinds of wonderful end notes attached to that statement. It's just so simple and clean cut-- but in reality...not so much

I think it should have end notes that say things like =

*1 Strength is not something that comes from you, it comes from the Lord, so in order for you to receive this strength - you need to rely wholly on your LORD...PS..your society teaches you opposite of this particular lesson, so your going to need a world view shift. (oh..only that)

2* Strength rising in your life, will not look the way you always expect it to, and will not be necessarily what you think you need.... (expect the unexcpected?)

*3 "We" will feel like "I" if you do not allow God to be the center, (see asterisk 1)this little cycle will repeat it's self ..because every day we must choose to make God the center. Someone wise once said (nice reference eh?) The tricky thing about laying ourselves down as living sacrifices is that we can crawl off the alter.

*4 "Will wait." I admire those who trudge through the hills and valleys of the first three asterisks, and with belief can, and choose to wait upon the Lord. Choosing the Lord's path, and waiting on God is beautiful but hard. (We get to choose)


Every time I sing this song, I am moved. These lessons are priceless. This journey is temporary. End notes, completing the messiness :)


Anyways..back to the suggestions thing

I am open to suggestions for what to do with my time. I am always up for most anything.. and am in need of a time consuming something...

any ideas?

love!

Love

Arrived :)

Calgary.

It's funny to think how much can change in 10 months, and how much more quickly my 10 months in Nova Scotia RAN by, in comparison to my 10 months living in Calgary.

Since arriving back in the ole Calgarian community, I have had brunch at my favorite restaurant, with two of my most favorite people, played mini golf with in heels, re-learned to drive stick, found the best sweet potato fry joint in town, attended the 25th anniversary of a Animation organization- and the presentation of my dear friend Talsa's first piece, applied for an unquantifiable number of jobs, both via the internet and Laura's mad driving skills. I have attempted making biscuits (sucess), and cookies (ummmm....) and have spent at least a partial evening with my beloved hosts, Stewart and Lacy:







For those who know our story, you would know that Nate and I have taken up solace in the arms of this wonderful family more than once, this will actually be the third time in two years. I have been known to be a backyard dweller, with images of Stewart leaving for work in the morning, walking by a still tent, and a small voice saying "have a good day," from the tent as he approaches his truck. I would be the small voice.

The tenting adventure began September (SO COLD) of 2007 post wedding, and lasted until close to November (2007), it then was re-instated, upon leaving Calgary in July (much nicer) 2008. When Stew and Lacy ensured that I could come and stay for another short season, I asked if they had a back yard, having since moved. To my disappointment, they regretfully informed me that there was no such back yard, however if I really needed to I could set up my tent in their basement :)

These beautiful and funny, not to mention dashingly good looking people have provided the "gypsy" with a room, and bathroom all to my very own :) It has taken me all of two seconds to destroy this space:





I mean, it's super hard to live out of a suitcase!!! You are looking for something and then it isn't there so you kick it into high gear, and things go flying ...then you really can't find anything

I believe they must really love me!


Speaking of love! When Laura picked me up yesterday to run me around town to drop off resumes, this is what she met me with:



A huge bag of coffee and keys to her house. Talk about being loved from every angle.

:)

Love!

Dragons

I went for a bike ride yesterday. It made me reminiscent of time spent with my dear family in Mexico. The reasons for this are two-fold: One, I felt like I was back hunting dragons, and two, I felt as if I was in a foreign land and had misconceptions about what was going on.

I google searched for mountain biking trails in the area. I have my bike, I don't really exercise as much as I'd like, and I enjoy mountain biking. So I checked it out and the computer screen told me that there was a park where there was the beginnings of a trail not more than one mile from my house. Like I said, exercise has not come easily these days so I was cautious, and thought, it's only one mile away, I'll ride there. This is where my misconceptions of things comes into play. Although, instead of it looking like a game of hand charades with the locals, it was me deciding NOT to ask for directions. I should have asked somebody, perhaps even read a forum on the site. It turned out that to get from my house to the park I needed to ride a mile... straight uphill. Oh, by the way, this is not Oregon, bikes aren't really considered as highly, no bike lanes.

Anyway, as I sadly realized that snafu, I continued up the unending hillside. Literally on the hillside. No trail, no pavement, just me and the dirt and the weeds. This is where the dragon hunting part began. In Mexico the dragons were really iguanas and they were cool looking and scared of us mostly. Here, the dragons were a rattlesnake and I'm pretty sure it wanted to eat me whole. I just noticed a big stick as I was pedaling on gear 1,1 going approximately 1.1 miles per hour. Then I realized that stick was wide in the middle, narrowed at each end, and was curvy and alive... with a head. I freaked right out and nearly fell off the bike, which would've been the equivalent of you standing up right now and just tipping yourself over. Anyway, I avoided the snake thankfully and continued on. A little while later I entered gecko land. Instead of being cute and making clicking noises, the were kamikazeeing my bike. I'm pretty sure I ran over three of them at least. One even ran between my wheels for a time like in the movie Fast and the Furious when that car drives under the trailer of a semi-truck. It was cool except I was going painfully slow and was sure that if I stopped by choice or otherwise, my feet and legs would be instantly consumed by what I could only convince myself were man eating geckos.

Anyway, I got to the park, finally, and was quite tired, and decided that was enough excitement for me for one day. So as I cruised down the road (asphalt this time) at approximately 30 miles an hour in a death defying downhill run, I couldn't help but smile in remembrance of my time with Stew and Lacy and my lovely wife Sarah. I miss you guys. And I could do without the dragons for a while.

Correspondence from the Field :)

(Photo compliments of: www.explodingdog.com)
Title of Photo: "This is so great I had to Share it with you!"

With permission I have posted a letter from Nathaniel's father as today's blog. Ed has been a active member of our cheering section- and today, like many days where he has presented himself on our behalf, he has come bearing not only news, but good news :)




Sarah,

I gave this information to Nathaniel by phone a little earlier but wanted to make sure that you got it too without the uncertainties of second hand information.

I called the immigration service "hotline" yesterday and spoke to a woman who obviously didn't know very much. She put me on hold a couple of times, apparently to find the correct manual and chapter to read to me from. When she thought she had the right chapter she read a short paragraph to answer my question, which was: "When is a petition considered to be filed, when it is delivered to immigration in general, or when it is delivered to the center where a decision will be made?" Her paragraph, and her interpretation, is that the petition is "received" when the fee is paid and the petition is delivered. A transfer to a processing center is considered "action on the case" and does not change the receipt date. She obviously could not discuss your case with me, but her answer indicates that your petition was received in November (the 11th?), not December 2nd or December 15th.

I took Nathaniel's email to Representative Defazio's office in Eugene and talked to a new field representative who took over the job previously held by Dan Whalen. He has only been on the job for 3 weeks. He talked about the case with me and then went back to his desk to make a phone call, then came back out and reported the result.

My understanding is that when the Vermont Center gets a petition, they prioritize it by the filing date and stick it in a pile with the earliest filed cases on the top. There are "adjudicators" who work at the center who come by every once in a while and pull a case off of the top of the pile. The adjudicator is the person who actually makes the decision on the petition. We do not know how long an adjudicator will take to make a decision once he pulls the case off the top of the pile. Perhaps they take one at a time and work on it until they are done and then take another one. Perhaps they take 10 at a time and spend a month working on those ten. That part is still a mystery, but we do know that the pile on the adjudicators desk is smaller than the original pile from which he took the files.

The field representative, whose name is Nick Batz, was able to find out that your file has been taken off the top of the big pile and is now in the hands or, or sitting on the desk of, the adjudicator who will decide the case. He indicated that he would write an email today to the Vermont service center to inquire about the status of the case. He will call Nathaniel when he gets a response and he did think they would respond right away.

That's what I know. Today is May 15th. If we learn anything more today, well, . . . that would be scary.

Ed

May 15th, year unknown

A year ago tomorrow, I awoke from to the noise of my new neighbors hacking his lungs out in the back yard, and the smell of his cigarette smoke floating in my basement apartment window. I wandered through the bedroom, bathroom into the living are and turned on the coffee pot, all the while smiling quietly to myself as my pot brewed and this wonderful day unfolded.

Scoot back two months:

I am a sad puppy living in my basement of apartment in cold, stinking, friggen awful cold Calgary, and i have just gotten off the phone with my long distance husband. I begin to pray, pleading with God for some kind of direction as to how i should weather this storm, a tunnel to walk through so I could see light? A light to follow? direction please? HELLOOOOOO? Retrospectively, I now know nothing would have satisfied me at that point, as I was not content within, and even a piece of paper reuniting with with Nate would not of satisfied that itch (perhaps another blog). However, on this particular night, I felt like I have been given a date- one that popped ito my head without prompting (or did it?) and i was going to make that date my long/short distance goal.

Return to May 15th 2008:

So I am making my coffee and slightly excited at the possibility of receiving epic news of reuniting proportions. I get dressed, emerge from the ground, and begin my daily clock-stopping challenge of arriving to work on time, having left late in Calgary traffic, but with the secret weapon of new found short cuts--- a girl has to make the married single life interesting... :)

I arrive at my building met by the same seniors sitting in the same chairs with the same jokes and I smile and say good morning as I bee-line for my office, which is the polite thing for me to do, as my coffee has not begun it's daily soothing affects. My dear Ashely pokes her head in the door as I am just starting up my computer and says: It's May 15th- and smiles. We both hope that that means something, and continue on with our days. Every time the phone rings, I think, is it Nate? Is it immigration? Is it the post office? Is it President Bush calling to apologize? The day comes and goes without a sign or word and I conclude that my time alone has officially gotten to me, and I must have been wrong.

EXCEpt---------------------------->

Tomorrow is May 15th :)

Perhaps God didn't specify the year?
Who knows?

What I do know- are these things:

- I love the people I met during my stay in Calgary, and they alone have made this journey worth it

- I needed healing in my life, and only by the Grace of God I was able to receive small portions of that healing during this time

- I have lived with my father for the past 10 months and have loved knowing what that feels like

- I have had the amazing opportunity to know my siblings as young adults, and am proud to call them friends.

- I learned that I am not too good to work anywhere, or for anyone--(that was a fun lesson...ugh)

- That being great, is having the ability to be present in each moment of your life- not planning the next (moment).

- That I am unfortunately capable of more that I would ever want/like to admit, but learning that truth has made me live more intentionally.

- I married an amazing, patient, tender and good person- who deserves to hear that more than I tell him. You should tell him that too :)


So maybe tomorrow we'll hear the good news of immigration- a year later- in fact...one year and eight months later --- that's two pregnancies, a master's degree, 4.3 seasons of SSP, three times the number of months that Nathaniel and I have actually lived together.. and an unquantifiable amount of coffee :) Let's not even get started on the phone bills (affectionate shout out to Ed)


well....all we can do it wait...and see :)

flowerbeds and wine

What began as an innocent Wednesday, soon turned into a wild and crazy day of potting and planting:)

I drove to Lantz and captured long time friend Kathryn MacPhee, with images of me planting a stream of beautiful flowers into the earth as she sat by and talked to me about life love and Montreal. It started like this :)

I captured her, bought flowers with her and trotted up the lane to my father's house anticipating and lovely afternoon of 18 degrees and flower seeds- Kathryn and I set ourselves up with a towel to lie on, tea and coffee to drink,and myself up to my elbows in dirt/manure- when she pulls out this secret 1.5 litre bottle of "Australian" wine. We toast to the beautiful weather, our friendship, the potential of my garden, her graduation, sunflowers and breathing and continue in our conversation, my gardening, and her sunbathing. About half through the bottle, we find ourselves unusually affected by the wine, and only thirsting for more, polishing the lovely and large bottle off to the last drop,laughing at our inability to handle this stuff, and hap-hazardously planting unsuspecting flowers in gardens, crevices, and tree trunks.

After finishing this lovely bottle, and finding ourselves somewhat trapped on my father's hill we called his unsuspecting self to come and take us for dinner(poor man), skyped Nathaniel (poor man), bull dozed one another in the yard, and talked somewhat loudly over our wontons.

It wasn't until I was taken safely home to my father's hill and Kathryn was returned safely home to her parents house, that it occurred to us to take a gander at the label--- which indicated that this wasn't just our average bottle of wine... but something a little bit homemade :) With extra emuphf if you will :)

Needless to say.. it was a beautiful day, spent with a wonderful friend, and my garden has never looked better :)

Fuzzy Math

I'm a math major, right? I just graduated. It took me a while but I got there. On Thursday afternoon Sarah and I called the US Citizenship & Immigration Services' website. They told us that they were currently processing the applications filed on November the eighth and we said we filed on November the eleventh. Thus giving us three days of waiting! After 609 days of waiting already, I was pumped about just three. However, I let my hopes get too high. And apparently I suck at math...

Three days from Thursday is Sunday! But most people don't work Sunday, so Monday! But people don't work Saturday either so Tuesday! I also thought that the woman didn't include Thursday itself so back to Monday! (Wishful thinking I suppose. :).) Today is Tuesday. 7:30 pm Eastern Standard Time where our application is being dealt with in Vermont. So, the sad conclusion is I got too excited. They probably worked Friday, Monday, and Tuesday on updating days. Which means today they could've gotten to ours, however it's very possible that they take longer three days to get to ours. Then it may take a day to update the system.

Moral of the story is I shouldn't get my hopes up. I need to just wait until I hear word, and then let my excitable emotions take over. I am sure they will not overlook our application and will get to it in due time, whether tomorrow, later in the week, or early next week. It is of no consequence I've decided.... So, who can't wait for Wednesday!!!

The Wait

I don't know which is worse. (This is Nate by the way, the nade part is sere-nade) Living sadly because there seems to be no end in sight. Answering question after question from everybody I ever talk to about how we just don't know when this immigration matter is going to be finished. Spending sleepless nights on an empty bed. Paying hundreds of dollars (sometimes thousands, oops) to talk to each other endlessly. Or the alternative which we find ourselves now. We were told that it could be as early as THREE DAYS!! That's great, but how do I get through today? It's like Christmas Eve Eve Eve. It's awful. And then we'll probably get to Christmas morning and have our parents say we're going to wait another week to actually open our gifts. And this analogy only works if you happen to KNOW that you'll be receiving a free Prius, a plasma screen TV, a nice set of golf clubs, and a remodeled kitchen... from Santa! Then you may understand my anxiety.

I have waited, patiently sometimes, impatiently most times, for this day to come. To say it's been an uphill battle would be the understatement of the year, along the lines of, "Bush wasn't the best president ever," or "China has a lot of people." But before I start handing out signs to those who remind me that it's been a hard journey, I just want to take a minute and reflect, worry, then rejoice.

We're coming to the close of the only married life I know. I've never really lived with my wife yet. I haven't shared everything of mine with Sarah yet, like my computer. This has been a long journey that I've been telling myself will be well worth it. But I feel sort of like a man on the alter on his wedding day. This is it. I'm happier than a sweet tooth in a candy shop but I'm worried. I'm standing on the alter realizing it's the moment of truth. I'm here in southern California, by myself most the time, with naught else to do but take a good hard reflective look at myself and decide if I'm the right husband material. All I really mean to say is that this is real. Soon, Sarah and I will be together forever and not apart till later. Soon, we will be man and wife for better or for worse.

But who am I really kidding. If I take the time (which I have a lot of recently) to really analyze my feelings and anxieties, I will find fear, trepidation, and any number of scary emotions. However truth be told, I can't wait. I must but I don't want to. Sarah and I have been waiting for almost two years. Deadlines have come and passed. Hope has gone, come back, and gone again. It is time. And I am ready.

So here I sit. Another day passing as I stare sitting at the gift wrapped under the tree conspicuously wrapped like a golf club. Listening to each tick and sighing on each tock as Christmas day approaches. Like certain aspects of Christmas it isn't quite yet real. But I believe. I believe Sarah will be contained no more. I believe this day is fast approaching. I want so much for it to be so. I can't thank enough of you for praying for us. And I will never feel the debt is repaid for the grace and help we've received. Thank you. Eight letters doesn't seem enough...

US Government... Can't I just open one gift early?...

I can hear the train

So today Nathaniel and myself contacted a 1-800-number attached to the US immigration office, and were to our delight- connected with a real live breathing, feeling, Spanish speaking individual. This lovely lady then took a bunch of codes representing my case leading to the following information:

Lady: When did you submit your case?
me: We submitted our case Nov12 during our interview.
Lady: click click tap scroll click click
Nate & I:
Lady: Well they are processing the Nov 8th cases as we speak.
Nate & I: ( we've learn to speak only when spoken to ;) )
Lady: You should know if your case has been passed in about three days
Nate & I: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (silent of course)
Lady: Is that everything for today
Nate: Yes. Thank-you!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


just saying :)

Unpacking Spring

Today was yet another brilliant day in beautiful Nova Scotia. It was play catch with the dogs, drink your tea on the deck, dig in the ground kind of day. I spent my day doing these brilliant things, well all except one. All I could think about was getting a wheelbarrow filling it with sheep manure, top soil and peat and mixing it around with a shovel... seriously very excited about his prospect. I arrived home to my father's place with visions of potting, seed starting and digging, and as it turns out Dad wasn't exactly on the same page. It's funny how sometimes the human condition leads us to believe we all share similar interests and outlooks, the expectation that others take joy in the very same things we do. Dad's reaction to the planting expedition was met with as much enthusiasm as my acceptance of his gift of golf clubs on my 8th birthday. He offered sentiments like, "Well I just cleared away a bunch of crap, why would I want to plant more?" Crap can be defined as anything which gets in the way of my fathers mowing endeavors.

A couple summers ago, my father decided that it took entirely too long to mow his large piece of land, so he ingeniously 'AMPED" up the horse power of his ride on lawn mower, and now can be seen whipping around the yard at a good 10-15 kms/hr, which may not seem like much, but let me tell you...animals and plant life alike should be wary. Now understanding this, you can understand how extra and unpredicted plants in the yard would pose as a problem, as they could decapitate, or cause a fatal collision.

Just the idea of placing obstacles into his raceway..err.. mowing path sent him off to mumble in the other room. I sat at the table finishing my tea, and began playing with my packages of seeds. I read about how to plant, where to plant, when to plant... but there were not any directions as to how to convince a family member to allow you to plant. I read about the contents of the packages, and which seeds were selected for the butterfly and hummingbird mixes, and imagined the seeds as small suitcases filled with color and scent just waiting to burst forward.

My mind wandered, dad continued to mumble something about pathways, and planting behind his wood pile, and I was hit with the thought of my own suitcase. When USA decides to let me in, I will in fact have to pack up my personal belongings, in a suitcase or two, and somehow get them from Stewiacke to Pasadena- this may be more challenging than planting on Fred Rutherford's land.

Curiously, I began to inventory the belongings of mine which live in Canada.. and here is what I have come up with :

This:




















Must fit into this:


























If only personal possessions were like seeds. :)
Any suggestions?

Inexplicable Joy and Joyness

Today feels special although appears to be ordinary. I awoke to rain sprinkling my face through an open window above my head, which is, the one of the best way to awake. I love sleeping with an open window above my head, so that, the breeze, no matter it's temperature finds me nuzzled or exposed, and softly flips my hair as I fall in and out of sleep. My father had made a fire early before he left for work, and the coals where still within semblance of stirring, allowing me to build a fire which takes the "cool" off. I sit quietly and alone, cozy inside as the wind whistles and shakes the windows of the house.

Dad phones and lets me know he is nearby, and so I brew a fresh pot of coffee, my mix, which he lovingly refers to as "jet fuel," (I just can't imagine drinking coffee any weaker) and as I place my sea glass green mug onto the counter to fill it, I am overwhelmed with a sense of happiness, contentment and inexplicable joy. I stand, alone smiling, savoring, holding the feeling. I deep breathed the moment, and exhale. A silly smile covers me, I think, "this is what love feels like."

My insides stir with contentment- genuine contentment, the kind you rather not talk about for fear it'll go away. It hasn't. I feel like my chest is shooting out beams of golden light.

"26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
- Romans 8: 26-28 The Message

I am genuinely thankful for this season, and thankful that my God knows better.

:)